It also remains stubbornly common, despite study after study showing that female breadwinners in hetero relationships still do more housework than their male partners (even when those male partners do not work at all), and that this gap is damaging to marital happiness. Or, if its at all feasible, you may want to try going back to school for a paralegal certificate most community colleges have a program and its not nearly as expensive as one of those private technical colleges. now almost 53, extremelely depressed, and unsocially unaccepted. But I keep struggling even though I am exhausted. I promise that if we did this for FIVE years and are in a happy place now, its possible. Again, he goes off in text to this guy. This little girl said over and over money doesnt matter, everything else does So, I quit my daily grind job to take care of my dying Momma, and havent been able to find proper work/proper pay since. It has me so stressed out that whenever I would say anything about it he would flip it around and play the victim card. Recognizing non-verbal cues isnt always a strength for many men because theyre out of habit, but its definitely something that can be worked on., If hes never heard of emotional labor and really doesnt get it, consider using the definition offered by writer Khe Hy: Shit someone does that goes unrecognized. (Nailed it, actually.). Its pretty much ramen noodles and Mac n cheese; No group effort needed, even if our small kitchen could fit two cooks in it. Im too stressed. first live-in mistake from 2001 to 2010 only worked one year out of nine .was hooked on internet and internet games. Same about the house he does just enough to stop me throwing him out. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I am the sole provider. I have asked him to get a weekend job to help and it has been 4 months. AT this point it seems really nice to think of only worrying about myself and letting him figure his own situation out. Landscaping, home maintenance, plus the child care (huge expense) and driving and homework-wrangling and cleaning add up to significant cash. I have never seen her father compliment her or hug her; but he is not afraid to ask her for money). 2) Share what you're grateful for (family, friends, etc.). I want to scream and yell! Hes coming back tomorrow. Haha. I hope your situation now gets better. I had no idea when we gor married that anythign like that was even possible, but I love my wife and stood by her, even as she tearfully admitted to herself and to me that she could never be a teacher. He pays for me as much as I pay for him so its equal. You are just as intuitive, empathetic and caring as she is. It goes way beyond loosing unemployment. Knowing you are in debt I dont think that is an option either. Get Free Advice Immediately. MY DH does some housework but very very slowly so he thinks he does a lot. Good luck to all the other partners out there dealing with the same situation. Hi Rose. How to Get Your Husband to Do Housework Without Nagging The wife still try to make her partner find full time/part time work, or make them do more house work . Imagine being with a partner who has been self-employed for close to 20 years and now either because of wanting to supplement their income or because their business is failing they need to return to the general workforce. In other cases, the roles reversed. Since they really cant do anything as they have no opportunity to do so, they often end up doing nothing. Never money do anything special. One participant, Tamara, tried to reassure her husband who lost a $150,000 job it wasn't his fault and that at least he was still being invited for interviews. The most common strategy adopted by the women was to rebuild their partner's self-worth. Wheres my hope! I have passed my MCA on 2013 but still not getting a job. Im 24 and Im the baby of my family so Im used to being taken care of but now Im having to take care of a 27 year old and I feel in over my head. I dont make enough to keep our heads above water and its a daily, awful struggle to figure out how to keep lights on, pay the mortgage, have food, clothes, pet food, and the list goes on He is currently under employed and does get paid weekly BUT this job incurs expenses of mileage and car wear and tear. My efforts to get him to go out, meet people, network have all fallen flat. I bought a nice house based on two incomes, so that he could have his damned man cave , and I cant handle the expenses anymore. He cooks mainly and does a few hours of tutoring work here and there. Many men still embrace stereotypical beliefs about domestic . Hope you will have some good news to share soon. I am in disbelief. So by the luck of faith, I gained a full time permenant position. So here I am with a husband who does not work, watches football most of,the time, and keeps sending cvs when after half a year it is apparent this is not going to work. A wife whose "secondary" job is now a couple's only source . Lmfao he has no friends, no money, hes too proud to go back to his parents. I am trying to support us with two part-time jobs, but I dont get health insurance through work. We love each other and want to get married, but my husband didnt want to complete the divorce. After 9 months of his employment we could not afford our mortgage so we sold our house in city and moved to a regional suburb . Some of these posts are a yr or two old so i dont know if anyone will read this. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? He deserves it. H, 4.5 years! Dont do what some of us have done by making excuses and feeling sorry for him, hoping things will change. This is CRAP advice. We live like Lodgers! Find something, a hobby, volunteer doing something that makes YOU happy and things will start to look better, I promise! My disability was enough to cover rent & another small bill.causing us to lose our house n live with relatives which didnt last long thanks to his heavy drinking. I think I am cycling through all of this just as he is and I am not sure how much longer I can be the supportive wife that I know I really have to be to get all of us through this. She has taken a course but has put off taking her state exam over the last few months. Anyway, it was nice to vent for a bit and I hope the situation improves for everyone on here. He has nowhere to go anymore and he literally has only what I give him. Hes sick of hearing about how hard it is for me; I know its hard for him too.its just that im the one who has to head out u work every day, in a front line job, dealing with the public, whist falling apart on the inside. I have to work to support us. Best of luck to you! His father died when my son was 10 so I had no options to not work hard, develop myself for fear of us being homeless or living with my parents. He cant even walk down the street to pay bills but he sure does to get smokes. I feel for the people commenting here, I am currently in a similar situation. I dont want to work either. My husband lost his job 4 years ago and hasnt made much money since then. My worst fears confirmed, that never happened. I have my own bucket list that I want to see fulfilled. Everything he experiences is the world being awful or out to get him. Most days in cooler months cause me to get angry as I dont see him accomplishing anything. It was kind of a weird turn of events: His company noticed that, despite his willingness to work overtime, he had never taken a vacation. He is here all the time. He was very nice and very attentive to me and always called me beautiful and brought me little gifts. Hes definitely depressed I can see it but he keeps it from my daughter as much as possible. Im the one that list the job due to seizures. We have two children one 19 and one 10 both still at home. I wish I had the luxury of quitting every time I got tired or bored or frustrated, and I hate myself for providing that luxury to her. I wish he could just be a man that helps support his family. Some may wipe down the worktops and do a bit more, for which we must applaud them. I am so sorry the house is not to your liking, perhaps if we were two working men we could have a warmer house? I am 50, in good shape, have a great job, own my house. The pain that they can not leave their partner due to If you become single,you may need to give up yr full time work to look after the children. We met in college and moved back to my hometown after school to save money(hes from another state). He refuses to look for a job coz he says he believes in what he does and all he needs is my support. My parents cooked all meals together. I make 77K and we use a food pantry. I hope this isnt the way he is either. I am guessing there were too many people. But he hasnt, and he isnt. This is why so many people are unemployed because they are great, equivalent to franchise caliber free agents in sports and they are found to be weird or intimidating due to hiring managers being used to average and mediocre people. I wish I could enroll my daughter in dancing as she loves to move and wiggle to music but the fees are beyond our budget. This man brings some happiness and reliefe in my life, i know its artificial but for those moments, i feel better, i laugh, i smile and I dont have to pay the bill for our lunch and drinks or the petrol/gas in his comfortable mercedes benz (car). He refuses to look for a job despite the fact that weve had to move out of our house into my aunts house which is further from my work and our sons school. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Like the illness defines me. talented musician and artist as well. I understand how you feel exactly and am going out of my mind at the moment with not a clue how to right things.My boyfriend of a decade has been unemployed or part time employed fir the last four years, currently working ten hours a week. He helps out at home, takes daughter to school and things, does housework and cooks probably half the time but Im just so tired and teary all the time. However the partners I have been with had a different mentality- earn a dollar, spend a dollar. Long-term unemployment can be a debilitating experience, made worse by the self-loathing that compounds the problem. I have nothing saved and I dont drive (bad accident) so I feel stuck. Zero income. And we dont have sex. I have become depressed myself due to the weight gain, watching him waste his life and my choice to waste my own by sticking by him through all this. 15 Signs Your Partner Isn't Contributing Their Fair Share To Your It is soooo.difficult the bad days I self harm just to get some release. My heart is breaking because I find myself thinking what if he never ever gets hired or gets a client for web work? For months, I had gently mentioned that it would be so nice if hed please, please take out the garbage when it was full, and how much I loved when our apartment was tidy. Seek marriage counseling if you are struggling with sharing household responsibilities. unemployed husband won't do housework. I remember till few monyhs I have bought her every thing ehich she has liked. He was in a depressing state and recently lost his car due to an accident and license due to an unpaid ticket. Give support. The last person he spoke to was our 19 year old daughter. Had he simply lasted 90 days I would have made $600 as a recruitment bonus, but Oh well. It is glad to know that we have a place to share our thought and feel. You have to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of everyone and everything else.