Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. If you break 80, watch your business. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. You swing left and the ball goes right. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Basketball is a sport for black men. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! no! 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. The most important shot in golf is the next one. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. The Dalai Lama himself. Or under. Two rounds a day are plenty. Drop some in the comments! Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Such is the game. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf "If you break 100, watch your golf. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. He said. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Golf is like doing your taxes. And there are windmills. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Boo who? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. -Bob Hope Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). when we were married," said the pouting wife. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Required fields are marked *. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Why do golfers hate cake? Its just really hard to play. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Learn More. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. 86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download Why a carrot as a logo? Dirt your body. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Their expectation, however, is very different. Bruce Lansky. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? For true success, it matters what our goals are. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Whats the difference between golf and sex? 4. Golf is more complicated than that. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". 1. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. He was puttering around. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. It can be rewarding. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; All the fans are gone! On the Green In Two. Enjoy! You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! One minute youre bleeding. A dinner without wine. A hole in one of a kind model. Always keep learning. Your email address will not be published. The lowest score wins. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! Photo: Shutterstock. Find the ball. Twelfth son of the Lama. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Required fields are marked *. Their fore-fathers! These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Dean Martin, He loved the game. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Knock, knock You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Besides that, I love to explore. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. We have a threesome, care to join us? P.G. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Best Funny Golf Memes and Pictures in 2023 - MemesBams The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. It bends a little to the left. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! What do golf and sex share in common? Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. Peter Jacobson, 33. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". 9. You shot an eight. Lee Trevino, 59. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Missed the ball and sank the divot. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. 19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Wodehouse, 31. Here, have a carrot! If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. In the Golf of Mexico! Golf is the easiest game in the world. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. All of them. Dirty Golf Sayings Jokes - Sports Jokes - Jokes4us.com Achieve more with each and every round you play. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the 3. Roarin' Mcllroy Golf is very much like a love affair. The 32 Dirty Quotes of all Time - quotesforbros.com How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Intercourse! You hit down to make the ball go up. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Keep your head down. Your fifth putt. All lip, no hole. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Thats incredible. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. 3. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! There is no such thing as a natural touch. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. 2. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. What does a golfer do on his day off? 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Whats the best quality in a golf partner? I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. So, what are your thoughts? Do you know what the Lama says? Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. 18 Funny Golf Quotes to Keep You Laughing on - 18Birdies A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Have fun. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. So, I'm on the first tee with him. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Sam Snead. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. I had a hole in nothing. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Jack Benny. Keep your sense of humor. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Lift your head and spread your legs. Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings Eight. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. I'm Tiger Woods. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. I was actually enjoying it. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. 21. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. I stepped on a rake. 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. What is a golfers favorite bird? The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Required fields are marked *. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? No, but I'm willing to screw in them. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. So what are you waiting for? Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Everyday I'm Schauffele. 6. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". The next minute youre hemorrhaging. The battle that raged inside each players head. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes My drives aren't always long and straight. The smile looks really good on you. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. 2. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Fore! Your email address will not be published. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. 7. Your email address will not be published. I'm pretty good with my short putts. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. The threesome were curious what was going on. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. My shaft is bent. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. In case he gets a hole in one. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Golfing? Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. "I'm the best. Very interesting. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Funny Family Poems. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures
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